I am updating my journal.

I have grown up since i've made this thing. A lot. It's hard, really, it is. I have so much on my plate and I have this tiny, tiny fork. You know, where your mouth is wide open, and you barely have any food to feed it.

Your stomach is roaring, starving that that food, but that little fucking fork does no good.

As of July 1st, I have my own apartment. I have been living with Stephanie, she's been guiding me to and fro. Sometimes I feel so insecure and unstable and unplanned. It's hard to watch all your friends want to be spontaneous and all you're doing is chasing that stability you wish you had. My whole life it's been something i've been looking for.

Somedays, I think i'm disrespectful to people who do nice things for me. I don't think they understand that it was all a joke to me. The way I made fun of them, kind of like the waiters who drop my food and forget my plate. I'm sure they know i'm joking too, right? Right.

My job is pretty rad except the part where I listen to people bitching about their missing newspaper everyday. Yay. I just makes me think...what else are you going to worry about if your paper just doesn't show up anymore one day...what if you don't have ANYTHING to bitch about? You'd still bitch. Because the world can't be perfect. Your household could be quiet and your household could be clean, but when you leave those walls, you have no more control.

Well fuck it,
it goes in one ear and out the other anymore.

I am working on getting a nice car by September and keeping my place up to speed. I am happy I am going places on my own with the help of my best friend. I just miss all the friends i've lost contact with along the way.

PS. I deleted my MySpace, FINALLY. Thank god